I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
