I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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