Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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