I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
