I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
