He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
