life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
