you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
