someone threw a dead crab at me
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
MIDGETS
????
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
