I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have feelings that need drinking.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
