If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
