I've blown a few things in my day
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
