We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
