Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
