You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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