I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think my moral compass just broke
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
