my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
