i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
