remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
