A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
