I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
