Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
