who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
