What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Is this like a preordered booty call?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
