I'm going to jail i love you
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
