Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
