just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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