I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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