there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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