The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
