vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
