I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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