Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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