When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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