call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
