So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
