Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
There r osticjed everywhere
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
