I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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