Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
