Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
