I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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