Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Swine flu. Run for my life!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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