who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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