If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
