He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
