he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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