When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
