my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
