maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
