no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
