I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
