I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
